99. Advice for Christians who are dating/engaged

Here you go:
  1. The first and greatest commandment in Christian dating — for you and your significant other — is the same as in all of life: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30).
  1. But after you’ve embraced, applied, and enjoyed the first and greatest commandment, the golden rule in dating is this: Lean hard on the people who know you best, love you most, and will tell you when you’re wrong. We need friends who love God even more than they love us. Only people who love Christ more than they love you will have the courage to tell you that you’re wrong in dating — and give you the encouragement, truth, wisdom, and perspective you need.
  1. You are obviously dating to marry. If not, what are you doing? First settle this issue with your significant other. Don't play with your emotions and treat dating or love carelessly. God knows your intentions.
  1. The more issues you can talk about together before marriage, the better. It is far more frustrating and threatening to think of something after you are married that you should have talked about before.
  1. Treat your significant other as brother/sister in Christ. Until and unless you are married, treat each other with purity as a brother/sister in Christ even though you are dating. We use the terms boyfriend/girlfriend, but we don't have the same definition as the world does. This helps you in fleeing sexual immorality.
  1. Don’t shy away from any issue or conversation with your significant other in these days in order to avoid conflict. Now is the time, to have every conflict you can have that might come up later. If you think that you can dodge conflicts now for more opportune time later, you are mistaken. This is what dating or courtship is designed for: maximum exposure to what each of you think, believe, feel, does habitually or occasionally — no secrets, nothing held back. You don’t want marriage to be based on ignorance, but on trust in the face of all truth.
  1. These are golden months in which to set patterns of spiritual leadership and disciplines. Take the initiative to read the Bible, pray, think, study, and talk together about all kinds of biblical and spiritual realities. I assume there is no argument that we've got to be on the same page in all the primary and fundamental theological matters. That is not an artificial expectation. This means that, if you are going to pull off a shoulder to shoulder marriage for some great purpose, which is what marriage is for, you have to be pulling in the same direction. Seeing God, Christ, Holy Spirit the same way. Understanding and relishing faith, love, sin, satan, holiness, salvation in the same way. Otherwise, pulling together in harness will start to become very painful as you jerk each other around in different directions spiritually or, more likely, what happens is you just stop talking spiritually — which is worse. So, take the initiative and go deep into every dimension of the spiritual life that you can in these days.
  1. If your other half is not a believer per se, don't think I'll convert him/her to the truth after I marry. It has worked in the past but the chances are low. If you know the truth that if he/she doesn't love God as much as I do (or even more) before marriage, why should you be taking on the risk? As mentioned before talk and have conflicts on all issues related to God and the world and then make a decision. It's better for two weak believers or two strong believers to marry rather than one being a strong and the other being a weak believer. This will cause major problems in the long run. Put God first before you make a decision.
  1. And the next thing I would say — and this applies to both of you — is that your own personal fellowship of faith, joy, hope and obedience towards Jesus is foundational for the survival and the flourishing of your marriage. The marriages that I see moving south, do so in tandem with the unraveling of spiritual realities and conditions of the individual. One or both the parties fall apart, and fall way from Jesus. When that happens the spiritual resources for handling the conflicts and differences vanishes. So, the point is: Don’t just think that what you do together strengthens the marriage. Far more important is what you do apart from each other as each of you meet Jesus and consecrate yourself afresh over and over so that your devotion to Christ is absolutely unshakable. Between you and Him, and your experience of Him is profoundly satisfying, and sufficient. When two people operate out of that individual profundity, the marriage will endure — and not only endure, but flourish with joy and fruitfulness.
  1. Now, of all the hundreds of things that need to be said and could be said, here is one last thing to say. Don’t assume that your affection for your significant other is known and felt by her. Instead, put it on your lips over and over again every day. Find fresh ways to say it — not just show it, say it. Lots of us boys and men think: Well, I show it. I earn a living. I guard her. I protect her, blah, blah, blah. But we forget these are also our responsibilities, things that make who we are. While being faithful at these, is a significant way to state your love. Showing the love, could mean pushing our comfort zones. Yes, show it. Do the kinds of deeds she loves for you to do. Learn her love language. Not all of them need gifts, flowers or a vacation. People are different, and so are what delights them. Remember this is not a 'One size fits all', approach. Burn the cliches, find your beloved's niche and create it for her (even if it's a cliche). You will see the change it nourishes. But don’t just do things. Say things. This is true for both of you. Lavish your wife/husband with expressions of delight and appreciation, of admiration and affection. In your wedding vows, I hope you are going to promise to cherish him/ her above all others and forsake everyone else, cleaving to her alone. This will reap dividends of great joy, deep bonding of the soul at a very wonderfully profound and joyful level. And now, this kind of union of yours, will be a tiny glimpse of heaven, the blessing of the One who brought you together for His glory and your good!
Marriage is a good thing. And all good things, come from God! Marrige is God's idea, and thereby it is best done, when done God's way!